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Sibling rivalry

From Competition to Collaborator

By Ed Cox, Vistage, September 2006

Topic: Family Business

Family businesses with siblings working together, cooperating with each other, and functioning at their best can be one of the most effective and satisfying forms of business. But when sibling rivalries interfere, both profits and satisfaction can plummet.

Although conflict between non-family colleagues can be just as potent as between siblings, the "rivalry" between siblings is a special situation of its own. Where does it come from? Can it be a positive force?

Most of the important things in life we learn from the experiences in our own families. We learn how to get the attention we desire. We try to show ourselves and others that we are at least as good as our siblings. Sometimes that involves long-standing competition with siblings.

Family communication and behaviour patterns become ingrained over time, and siblings often carry those patterns into the business. Making a business run smoothly requires lots of communicating about many interrelated areas, including operations issues, dealing with problems, and creating plans for the future. If siblings are not used to communicating clearly and taking responsibility for their own actions, tension and conflict are a natural result.

Purpose over pride

There are several ways to address this issue, but it nearly always begins with a realisation and a decision. If siblings can see that a priority of business purpose over personal pride is in their own best interest, then they can decide to take advantage of many practical solutions.

Wear the proper "hat"

Since siblings often react emotionally to each other, and it takes a conscious effort to change the automatic emotional reactions to more thoughtful, logical responses. Siblings must train themselves to pause and think, "Which hat should I be wearing right now, business or family?" This enables them to switch from the automatic reflexes of siblings to the more thoughtful responses of business colleagues.

Assign different roles

Siblings should be assigned different functional roles in the company. Be sure the job responsibilities are clearly understood. If these roles are suited to their natural interests, skills and abilities, each person can shine brightly in his or her own area without direct competition from a sibling.

Ensure proper training

Often, family members are given key roles but are not given the proper training and mentoring necessary to be highly competent. It is vital for family members to be encouraged to get outside training. This provides the sibling with the confidence that they know their job, and it gives the company important outside perspective.

Provide accountability and feedback

It’s important for each sibling to be accountable to someone. If there is no one else, they should be accountable to each other. Siblings should discuss their plans and results with each other regularly, in a non-emotional setting. The more this can happen, the easier it gets.

"Equal is not fair"

Compensation should not necessarily be equal. It should be based on the actual levels of responsibility each job holds. Equal pay for different jobs isn’t fair to the business or to those with different responsibilities.

When siblings are collaborating effectively, they can create a powerful organisation that will have a competitive advantage over the competition. And it provides the great joy of working with family members you admire and respect.

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